Christmas
by Matt Magnet
Summary: Here's a holiday ficcie for my fellow MITM fanatics. Please make me really happy and review!
1. Default Chapter Title

Christmas: Part 1

** **

"Yea!" cried Dewey, "It's almost Christmas!"

"Guess who's coming over for Christmas this year?" Lois asked the three boys. 

"I'm afraid to ask," Malcolm replied. 

Lois ignored him, "Cousin Alex and his wife Jenny!" 

"Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!" Reese, Malcolm, Dewey, and Hal screamed in unison. Alex and Jenny were quite possibly the most annoying cousins in the history of the universe. They came from Lois' side of the family. Alex and Jenny were loud, rude, and crude. Needless to say, nobody actually looked forward to seeing them. 

"Oh Lois," whined Hal, "We just saw them!"

"That was 10 years ago Hal!" Lois said angrily. She shot the rest of her family a withering glance, "They're coming, whether you like it or not!"

"Why isn't Francis coming home?" Reese inquired.

"Because he's in trouble again!" his mother snapped. "He really shouldn't have stolen Commander Spangler's prosthetic leg!"

"Let me remind you Mom, that we haven't seen cousin Alex and his Jenny because they've been in jail!" Malcolm informed them.

"So what? Everybody makes mistakes." Lois turned away from them, and resumed cleaning up the kitchen table. Obviously, this conversation was over. There was nothing that her family members could say or do that would change her mind.

"What were they in jail for?" Reese asked his brother.

"Embezzlement," Malcolm replied.

"That's when you steal office supplies, right?" Reese inquired.

"You're so stupid, Reese!" Malcolm went into the room that the three boys shared, and began to read a book. "It's when you steal a whole lot of money!"

"I'm scared," whimpered Dewey.

"Shut up, you're always scared," Reese retorted.

"You know what really bothers me?" asked Malcolm.

"That you're such a wuss?" Reese shot back.

"No. Alex and Jenny are always pinching my cheeks, telling me how cute I am, and blowing clouds of smoke in my face. I hate them! And I'm not a wuss!" Malcolm put his book down. 

"They're scary!" repeated Dewey. Reese rolled his eyes as he walked into the kitchen.

"Hey Mom, when are they coming, anyway?"

"This afternoon." Lois finished wiping the table and faced her son. "Go clean up your room."

Reese ran hurriedly back to his room. "They're coming in a few hours!" he yelled to his brothers. 

"What? No! There's got to be something we can do!" cried Malcolm, sitting up with a start.

"Use your giant brain and think, butt munch!"Reese screamed, panicking. 

Reese, Malcolm, and Dewey sat on their beds, trying desperately to think of a plan. A few hours later, they still had no idea what to do. They sat staring at the walls in stony anger.

Suddenly, the doorbell rang. The three boys jumped to their feet in horror.


	2. Default Chapter Title

Christmas: Part 2

** **

"Oh no!" Reese cried, "They're here!"

Reese, Malcolm, and Dewey immediately went into a frenzy. The two older boys smashed themselves into a closet, while Dewey stuffed his smaller body under the bed. 

Lois wiped her hands on a dishtowel, hung her apron up on a peg, and pulled open the door.

"Lois! Long time no see! I've missed you!" Alex yelled, throwing his arms around his cousin in a big hug. Alex's wife, Jenny, soon joined in on the hug.

After a few minutes of being suffocated, Lois politely pulled away to get a good look at her cousins. Alex was a big man. He was approximately 6 feet tall, and appeared to be twice as wide as he was tall. His loud, brightly colored clothing clashed horribly. Jenny wasn't much better. Jenny was only 5 feet tall, but weighed as much, if not more, as her husband. She was decked out in fake animal prints from head to toe.

"Jenny, where's your wedding ring?" Lois asked, as she noticed that Jenny wasn't wearing jewelry of any kind. Neither was Alex, for that matter.

"Oh, we had to pawn all our jewelry to raise enough money for the bail," Jenny answered. She reached into her snakeskin bag and drew out a cigarette, which she lit up. Making an attempt at looking sophisticated, Jenny blew the smoke out threw her nose. Lois began coughing.

"Would you mind putting that out? We don't approve of cigarettes around here." Lois gently took the cigarette from Jenny's hand and stomped it out. "Hal? Boys? Where are you?" 

Hal walked into the entry hall, dragging his poor sons along with him. He shoved the boys in front of him as a sort of makeshift shield. 

"Come here boys! We've missed you!" Jenny shrieked, as pinched Reese and Malcolm's cheeks. She threw her arms around Dewey as she and Alex let loose with about a million questions.

"Look at how you've grown!"

"How old are you guys now?"

"Are you sure you're eating enough?"

"What grade are you in?"

"Are you doing well in school?"

"Do you do any drugs?"

"Where are your manners? Give your cousin Jenny a big kiss!" 

Alex promptly lit up another cigarette, and then offered one to Reese. Lois grabbed it out of his hands.

Jenny continued to lavish kisses on Malcolm, Dewey, and Hal, who were all struggling to get away. Lois didn't shot Alex an angry look.

"You know, they boys really aren't feeling well. We appreciate you coming all the way from jail to visit us, but it might best for you to leave, just so that you don't get infected." Lois tried to push her cousins towards the door.

"But we just got here!" complained Alex. Paying no attention, Lois quickly shut the door behind him. 

"Wow, thanks Mom!" Reese said happily, "You got rid of them! This is the best Christmas present you've ever given us!"


End file.
